50 Ways To Spend The Summer FMA Days
by Xueyan
Summary: Summertime comes for the FMA crew, and they're hitting it off with BBQs, new loves, 1 night stands, & funny moments. 03 out of 50 themes done.
1. Paperwork Troubles

**Love, Limes, and Lemonade  
Chapter One  
" Paperwork Troubles "**

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**Disclaimer:** Hagane No Renkinjutsushi is (c) to Hiromu Arakawa. I will never own it.

†

**A/N:** Just so you know, I'm going to put either angst, humor, fluff, lime, or lemon in each chapter. So, if you don't like any of those, I suggest you leave, because this story's going to be filled with summer **_fun_**. Riza is probably very OOC, I don't really know. Anyways, this chapter features lemon, don't like it, leave now!

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It felt like 110 degrees inside of East City Headquarters and probably twice as hot outside. Outside probably felt like an oven.

Man, and it was like 6:00PM too. The sun still was high in the sky, it would not give up with the beating heat.

Damn paperwork! Of all these days, TODAY I get the most paperwork. Will Riza ever give me a break?

I took off my military jacket to reveal only a muscle shirt.

"Ah, much better."

Well, it wasn't really all that good, it probably just felt only 5 degrees cooler. Anyways, I was feeling bored out of my wits. I lied back in my rotating chair and stared at the ceiling. I rolled around in my chair, staring at the ceiling too, hoping it would snow. No, not _rain_, _snow_. I just couldn't stand rain.

As I swirled around in my chair, Riza came in. She came in without knocking because, of course, Fuhrer ordered everyone to leave all the doors open so it would be cooler. Some plan, it still felt just as hot.

She had taken off the jacket of her military uniform too, leaving her bare arms and a white tee shirt. Oohh, she looked sexy.

"Sir, I have some more paperwork for you."

I sighed. "Great, just put it over there."

I had a plan to beat the heat, it would probably result in Riza filling me with bullets, but if it would keep me away from paperwork, sure.

As she set down the paperwork I grabbed her right wrist. She turned in surprise.

"S-Sir? Do you need something?"

"Now that you mention it... yes I do, Lt. Riza. Where do I sign on these papers?"

Hehe, she was falling for my trap without even knowing it.

She walked around my desk until she was right on the left of me, leaned over and looked at the paperwork in front of me.

"Sir, I think you're supposed to sign he—"

I instantly grabbed her and I locked lips with her.

I hadn't noticed, but she had her left hand on her holster.

She broke the kiss instantly and ran back three steps, aimed, and shot at me 4 times. As usual, she missed me by a few centimeters, purposely.

As she gasped for breath, she straightened up.

"I-I suggest that you don't do that again if you want to live."

"Ah, but wouldn't it be worth it, dear Riza?"

She aimed for my balls, but hit my alchemist's watch instead. The bullet ricocheted off the watch and landed on my desk.

"Guess you're losing your aim, ey Riza?"

"No sir, I just wouldn't want to shoot your balls out, or you wouldn't have a chance to fuck me, now would you sir?"

"Mhm... point taken Riza."

I was wondering if she was being serious about her statement. She returned her gun to her holster and rolled her eyes at me.

I stared at her with a serious look for one moment.

I walked up to her until her face was about 2 inches away from mine. I gave her a soft look and raised my left hand and brought it up to her chin. I lifted up her face slowly, to stare deep into her eyes. I wasn't good at reading emotions, but I could tell Riza was longing, and shut out everyone else with an ice cold attitude.

"Coloniel, excuse my profane language, but what the hell are you doing?"

"Dearest Riza, if hell were a swear, then wouldn't heaven be too?"

She closed her eyes and took a step back.

"No sir, it doesn't happen this way."

I had no idea what she was talking about.

She looked out the window. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her.

"Whats wrong, Lieutenant?"

"Sir, I told you not to do tha—"

I disregarded her comments placed her lips over mines. She had nowhere to run this time, since in back of her was just a window. Still kissing her, I closed the curtains of the window and put my hands on her waist. I swept off all the paperwork, while it scattered all over the floor. I placed her on my desk and broke the kiss. I walked over to the door and shut it. She heard me lock it as a soft _click_ emitted from the door.

"Coloniel, Fuhrer wants all the doors op—"

I leaned over her until both of us were on top of the desk, with her on the bottom, and me on the top.

"Roy. Call me Roy."

"Colo—Roy, you should listen to what the Fuhrer wants."

"Riza, you should listen to what I want. As I am a higher rank... I order you to relax."

"I really don't think any woman can _relax_ with a man on top of her, _Roy_."

"Indeed they can't... let's make you more comfortable, shall we?"

I picked her up as she was going for her gun.

I set her down then removed her gun off her belt and tossed it into one of the drawers of the desk.

"You won't be needing weapons for this, Riza."

"I should be needing my gun to shoot you after whatever you're attempting to do, Coloniel."

"Aw, won't call me _Roy_ anymore?"

"No." She answered in an ice cold tone. I was still determined though. I picked her up as a groom would do a bride, and walked into another room, where there was a bed. I set her down softly.

She laid down and put her arms on her head.

"Sir, if you're trying to fuck me, then you're doing a poor cliche of an attempt."

"I know, but it's worth a try, is it not?"

She still wore the ice cold look. On this hot day, I wanted her now, more than ever.

"Perhaps you would like to strip me down, or shall I do it myself, Roy?"

I snickered. She was turning me on more than ever. What trick was she trying to pull now?

"You may strip for me."

She walked off the bed and slowly removed her boots and military uniform. She had a slender figure, ever so perfect, seemingly delicately soft to the touch. My eyes roamed her body, from her feet to her ass, then roaming up her back. I saw the faint outline of the back of her bra. She slowly removed her shirt and then unclasped her bra. She threw the bra carelessly to the floor. She took out her hair and threw the hair barette to the floor as well. All she wore was her underwear, which I wanted to remove _myself_.

I paid attention to her every movement, as I got turned on even more, my desire for her even greater every second. She seemed to roam her right hand over her right breast, then I heard a small click. A familiar click.

She turned around with a mini pistol in her hand. I should've known, a concealed pistol. She approached me slowly with the pistol, aimed for the middle of my forehead. I backed closer to the head of the bed in nervousness.

"Oh Roy, you don't think I'd kill you, would I? Would you think I'd miss? Would you like me to try missing?"

I gulped in excitement and in fear at the same time, yet all at once ever so turned on.

"O-Of course not Riza."

"Then you shall do exactly what I say."

I was intrigued. So I smiled and sneered. I nodded my head and she rolled me off the bed.

"You will remove all your clothes except your boxers."

I was surprised. I had never seen this side of Riza before. I knew one thing for sure, if I hesitated any longer, she's blow my brains out.

So I did as told. I was embarassed for a moment, but I still stared at her chest, and my eyes still trailed along her exquisite shape.

She smiled in amusement, as she stared at me in my black velvet boxers.

She got up and approached me.

Her touch was cool and relaxing, as she trailed kisses down my back. She was taking control of me, and I was giving in. No! This wasn't supposed to happen, I'm supposed to do the seducing!

I decided, time to take control. I turned around and pushed her onto my bed and climbed on top of her. I sucked her left breast gently as she took a sharp intake of air.

"R-Roy..."

"Shhh... relax."

I planted kisses starting from the middle of her breasts leading down to her private area. I lapped my tongue quickly over her as she moaned in ecstasy.

Though, she still had gun in hand, so I was still vunerable.

I came back up and tried to take the gun from her hand.

"Not for you Roy... I need it to punish you when you've been bad."

I smirked.

I leaned over her and gave her a deep, lip locking kiss. I had moved my tongue around until she had let me enter, when both tongues collided with another, making her whine a little. I wanted to enter her.

I broke the kiss and removed her underwear. We switched places as she did the same. The heat was steadily rising in the room and outside, but I didn't care, as nightfall began to creep over the horizon and the room started to get dark.

Both of us were naked from top to bottom. We had changed places again and I was on top of her again.

I set my head on the left of her neck and bit her nape leaving a small mark.

I whispered in her ear.

"Let me enter you..."

"You are my commanding officer... do as you please, _Roy_."

I entered her slowly, as she twitched in pain for a few seconds. It was like an unbreakable wall. Though the wall slowly melted, and what seemed like two people became one.

I had moved in slowly as she moaned even more. She wrapped her arms around me, signaling me to delve in deeper. I did as her motions said. We moved in a constant pleasuring rhythm.

It felt like a fire formed between us, I felt her icyness melt while I was in her.

"F-Faster, harder!"

I did as told, for she still was grasping the gun, and I did not want to get shot...

We came to a climax and stopped, while it felt like it was around 8PM. I had already had my dinner... and what felt like dessert too.

We both went to sleep, as morning crept up from behind us.

As we both didn't notice, however, we forgot to shut the curtains of one window, and one blonde haired alchemist saw it all.

†

**A/N:** Teehee, I think I was either too graphic or not graphic much, either way. R&R!


	2. SHIT! SHORTY KNOWS!

**Love, Limes, and Lemonade  
Chapter Two  
" SHIT! SHORTY KNOWS! "**

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**Disclaimer:** Hagane No Renkinjutsushi is (c) to Hiromu Arakawa and unless Japan is getting rid of characters, I will never ever own any characters from FullMetal Alchemist. Knowing me, if I did, there'd be a yaoi pairing... or two.

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**A/N:** Thank you for all who reviewed! I got 3 reviews for one chapter! I know that may not seem much to some, but hey, I got reviews. People who read, please review, I would like to hear on how you think of the story, and see if I can make any adjustments! I am a perfectionist and cannot stand incorrect grammar! So correct me if you see any misspelling or anything! Arigatou, and lets get on with the story! Oh, and about the title of the chapter, I really don't know what I was thinking about. n.n;;

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It was 8:11PM. I ran into East City Headquarters, rushing and bumping into everyone who walked passed me.

NO! I DID NOT JUST SEE THAT. TELL ME I JUST DID NOT SEE THAT.

I couldn't deny it though, it happened, didn't it?

I mean... oh shit, the Coloniel and First Lieutenant? You know what, I think Al's right, I had too many cups of coffee. _OR MAYBE AL PUT MILK IN THE COFFEE AGAIN_... yes. That was the problem. Poisoning from the milk made me see such scary things. Such things that never were meant to happen.

I calmed down and walked towards the lounge, where Riza would usually be polishing her gun at this hour. Hmm, she wasn't there. The image popped into my head again.

NO FUCK DAMNIT! IT DID NOT HAPPEN. DID—NOT—HAPPEN!"

I banged my head on Al's chest as I looked back up at him. Al had looked at me with a brother-you're-totally-losing-it look.

Riza's probably, uh, somewhere in the kitchen, um, getting a snack! Yeah, that was it. What I 'saw' never really happened. Yeah, that's it.

I took a deep breath again then exhaled. I relaxed then headed to the Coloniel's office to tell him I was back from my mission.

I knocked on the door. No answer. I checked the time on my alchemist's watch. 8:20PM. The Coloniel is never done with his work at 8. He's usually done around... midnight.

I decided to check tomorrow morning. He was probably tired from fucking Riza. So I headed to my dormitory.

"Lets get to sleep, Al."

∞

_Beep, beep, beep, beep..._

Oh god, what time was it? 4:32AM.

My vision blurred then I remembered what happened. I had just made love to the Coloniel last night, starting out with the desk then pulling out my concealed gun from my bra. Wow, I'm so stupid. Without protection too, better go get ingredients for an abortion elixir. I don't want to have that womanizer's baby. Not him. I noticed I was holding my pistol the entire time. I put the pistol in his hand, just a reminder of the night that will never happen again.

The heat just made both of us a little... hm how shall I say it, overly stupid.

I got up and felt... well, dirty. I took one of Roy's sheets and folded up my clothes. I looked at Roy, so peaceful, probably dreaming about fucking a little whore in his little dreamland. Oh well, I'lll let him dream.

I put my uniform under my arm and wrapped the blanket around me. Now I really must be stupid, I'm walking around the headquarters before daylight, naked. I hurried into the bathroom and went to my locker where I kept my shampoo and soap.

I turned the numbers on the padlock. Ten, thirty, four. I heard the lock click open and I took out my shampoo and conditioner, and soap, and headed into the shower.

I turned on the water, it came down hot and steamy. It felt so relaxing. Talk about a night, heatwave and losing my virginity. Really now, I think I'm losing it. I decided that after, I'm going down to the training grounds to shoot some targets.

Instead of a shower, I decided to take a bath. I filled up the tub and ducked my head in. Everyone in the military had their own tub, for sanitary reasons.

I heard the door come open, it was Ed.

He yawned deeply then walked over to his locker.

"Morning, Lieutenant. I'm sure you had a good night's sleep yesterday?"

I came out of the water and coughed, seeming I had swallowed some of it, reacting to Ed's little statement.

"Yes I did, Major Elric. You should get ready for the day, you don't want Roy to go yelling all over."

"Yeah yeah, I know, I'll watch out for Coloniel Shit. He's probably going to sleep in late again anyways, probably spent last night screwing another slut."

I disregarded his statement and came out of the bath, while Ed just entered. I dried myself, blow dried my hair, then got to fixing it up.

I took my military uniform to the wash and went to my room to grab a fresh, clean uniform.

"Another day... but first's first. Have to go get the ingredients for the drink."

I went into my desk and pulled out a piece of paper.

_Abortion Elixir  
1 cup of water  
2 crushed pine bark pieces  
1 drop of melted mercury  
4 tablespoons of chimera saliva  
Mix thorougly, let sit for 15 minutes, drink quickly, then take a nap.  
Pinako Rockbell_

I stuffed it in my pocket and then went to my closet, and grabbed a pistol. Might need it, just in case. I grabbed a simple bag, then walked out.

I went to the lobby to see if there was any work to be done.

I skimmed down the list for my name, then checked if I had any assignments.

_First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye:  
Crimson Alchemist's Execution -- did it  
Check up on Ed's work with Chimeras -- did it  
Give Majors their assignments for the day -- did it  
Collect paperwork from Coloniel Mustang when finished -- _well he wasn't done...

I skimmed down the list and took a pen from my pocket.

_"TO: COLONIEL ROY MUSTANG  
FR: FIRST LT. RIZA HAWKEYE  
You are to finish your paperwork and return it to the inbox promptly at 10AM."_

Not like he was going to read it, but I left immediately.

I went down to the kitchen and got a cup of water. I put it in a bottle then put it in my bag.

Now for crushed pine bark pieces... two pieces.

I went outside. There were pine trees that simply buried East HQ. I took out a jackknife and carved off two pieces. I put them in my bag and moved on to the next item.

One pinch of melted mercury... ah. That ingredient I had to get from Pinako herself. I'll get it last.

Four tablespoons of chimera saliva. My stomach churned at the thought. It had to be done though. I remembered that Ed had put bottles of Chimera saliva in his office, for he was to examine it. He took more than needed though. I went back inside HQ and went into Ed's office, where he was there.

"May I help you, Hawkeye?"

"Yes, Major Elric. I am in need of four tablespoons of chimera saliva."

He looked at me with a stupefied look. He pointed to his closet and continued to pull on his boots and braid his hair. Funny, how a spunky alchemist like him smelled of oranges. I took a bottle out and stared at it. Teal colored saliva... how loathesome. I took out a measuring cup and took 4 tablespoons, thanked Ed and left.

Lastly... pinch of mercury... it would take way too long to get to Rizenboul. There was mercury in the experimental labs, but only ranks of the Coloniel and higher could explore the lab... damn.

I went to my office and opened the door, only to find Roy inside, sitting in my chair, with his crossed feet on my desk.

"Why hello Riza."

I grabbed my gun and shot.

He fell off the chair and onto the floor.

"Now Riza, is that any way to treat your superior?"

"My apologies sir, but I don't think this is your office."

He sweatdropped and headed towards me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and had nothing to lose.

"Sir, may you do me a favor?"

"What do you require, Lieutenant?"

"I require access to the experimental labs, for I need a sample of the melted mercury."

"Why?"

I looked at him. Should I tell him? Heh, why did the thought even come up, OF COURSE NOT! He would never be able to take up a responsibility, such as the baby.

"Testing."

"Testing what? Poisoning yourself? I hope you DO know that mercury is the deadliest kind of poison right now, second only to the water of the Philosopher's Stone itself."

"I am well aware of that, sir."

"Alright then Hawkeye, you are granted permission, on one condition."

"Anything, sir."

"You will show me the results of your little... 'test.'"

I hesitated.

"Agreed, sir."

"Dismissed."

I walked hastily to the lab and put on gloves, goggles, and a mask. There was a small test tube of silvery liquid, I took a dropper and got one drop.

I took out the other items and quickly crushed the pine bark, then took out the bottle of water. I poured in the disgusting teal colored liquid into the water, along with the bark and put in the mercury.

I forced the vomit-inducing elixir down my throat and then went to my dormitory to sleep.

∞

"Let's go Al! We need to go tell Coloniel Shit about the mission!"

"Brother, I really don't think you should call the Coloniel, Coloniel Shit."

"Why that's quite all right, Alphonse, as long as I can keep calling him Full Mini Alchemist."

Speak of the devil. It was Coloniel Shitface in person.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MINI ALCHEMIST THAT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT YOU'D NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS?"

Roy chuckled.

I'll wipe that stupid smile off your face you stupid dipshit of a Coloniel.

I shot a murderous glare at the Coloniel and sat on my desk.

"Crimson Alchemist put up a good fight, but in the end, releasing so much power trying to finish me off backfired, and left him bodily injured."

"All right then. Oh and speaking of whi—"

An officer just came rushing in with a paper.

"Urgent news from the Fuhrer, sir."

He saluted then ran out again.

"It seems like you have a new mission, FullMini Alchemist."

I tried to throw a punch at him with my automail arm but he dodged skillfully. That stupid conceited bitch. I'll smack that fucking smirk off his face next alchemist verification exam.

"Ahem, as I was saying, it seems like there's been an attack at Rizenboul, at the Rockbell Automail Shop. Report says that a blonde girl ran off and an old woman was killed. There were crimson colored shards scattered everywere around the area."

"Oh whatever fine fine, I'll go take—wait, WHAT?"

"Rizenboul, Rockbelle—Automail—Shop. Did you get short AND deaf?"

Oh no.

_Winry._

∞

**A/N:** Alright, so another cliffhanger, and well, somewhat of a little bit of fluff and bits and pieces of humor. Lots of language, but I always pictured Ed swearing all over the place anyways. In the manga he swears like a little motherf—well, lets disregard that now. R&R! n.n;;


End file.
